I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
