just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
