Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
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so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
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He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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