I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Even my vagina gasped.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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