I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
