Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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