if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
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