I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
