Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
