dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
