College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
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