My nipple is on Facebook.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
