I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
