the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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