Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
