We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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