I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
