At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
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