Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
