you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
