just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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