Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
