You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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