Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
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