woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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