so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
