where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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