Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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