I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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