I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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