he wants to bone in the snuggie
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
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