Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I don't deserve a penis
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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