So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
