He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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