Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Randomize
