Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got inside last night via doggy door
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
