we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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