words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
