Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
You made out with two different species that night
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
