It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
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I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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