he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
