so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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