fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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