sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
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