He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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