i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
my poor anus
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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