How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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