bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
