I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
