There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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