Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Rumble strips road head = magical
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
