I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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