Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
