There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize