Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
