she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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