Welp...herpes.
My pussy is not your playground.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
