I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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