When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
