Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
