My first STD was from a foam party
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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