fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
ok first of all what the fuck
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
