Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
