Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
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