I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
