i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
