my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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