I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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