Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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