Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
