So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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