its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
