Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
