Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
