If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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