u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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