I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
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